Those Demons

Well I've never been one for superstition, but I can say somewhat confidently that the universe pulls pranks on me to make me feel like I'm losing my mind. I can just picture all the weird universe entities laughing at the reality tv show that is my life. Like watching one of those annoying little dogs try to hunt down and proceed to annihilate its own tail.  Both entertaining, and sad. As the audience, we know the dog will never really be able to vanquish its tail, but we allow the poor creature to try and try in spite of what we know is inevitable failure. Why? Because, despite how sad and pitiful the dog is, we find it amusing. It kind of makes me believe the entire human race is secretly suppressing some kind of sociopathic desire to see other creatures suffer. Much like the popularity of professional wresting. Or the national spelling bee (those poor little kids).

Just a little background information to allow the story to retain its ridiculousness, I recently inherited my dad's 2009 Chevy Cobalt after he finally fulfilled his childhood dream of buying an electric car (another of which was his dream of going to Easter Island...which we actually did. Possibly the most random vacation ever). So my new car/his old car was clean, inspected, up to date, and scratch/dent free. My father doesn't usually place too much emphasis on the value of material things, but he made an exception upon passing the keys to me by saying, "Take good care of this car like an adult. LOVE this car". Feeling pressure to keep the vehicle in great shape (a precaution and never cared to take with my old car), I tried my hardest. I avoided curbs, was more cautious on the road, and even spent a whole $7 on a car wash about 2 weeks in to my ownership. I was on the right track, and the car was looking fly. FLYYY.

ANYWAYS, back to my story. The universe's trickery all began when I parked my car outside of my sisters apartment on the street. No big deal. I've done it before a million times. So I'm just hanging out in Cora's (my older sister) apartment watching 30 rock until we both get the sleepies, at which point I pack up my junk and head out.

As I approach my car, I see two young hipsters lurking around the passenger side area of the car. They inconspicuously drifted away as I got closer, and, being spacy and painfully unobservant, I forgot about them and got into my car.

So I'm driving down the drag just settling down from what was a pretty annoying and anxiety-filled day, when I attempt to change lanes. I look over to my right to check my mirror only to discover that no such mirror existed. Immediately I begin to bawl, crying, "Where is my mirrorrrrrrr!?" over and over and over again, with the occasional remark, "What happened to my mirrorrrr?? Where did it goooo??", and every time I glanced over and realized over and over again that it wasn't there, I would just start the wailing cycle all over again.
Needless to say, I should not have been driving under the circumstances, what with my eyes nearly and at times completely obliterating my vision.

So here I am, crying uncontrollably in my car, when I think to myself, "Did I get in a wreck and just can't remember it"? As would be expected, the thought only exacerbated my frenzied state, until I finally arrived (safely, to my surprise) home.  I jump out of the car and examine the mirror scrupulously. Convinced, at the point, that I had somehow been in a wreck within the past 24 hours, I feel this sickening kind of feeling in head, as if I have no control over it. Was I in a wreck? Was I driving my car? Did my car ever have a mirror? Does Asia even exist??

After a long and semi-calming talk with my sister who claimed that someone must have stolen it, I calmed down a little bit. The next day (not really knowing whether or not driving without that mirror is legal or not), I drove to the nearest auto parts store. Upon examining the car and the mirror, the specialist concluded that someone must have stolen it. Finally at least 70% sure I wasn't losing my mind, I began to feel a little less insane. I was in the clear. It would only cost $60 for the new mirror, and the specialist said it was simple and I could do it myself. Thanks a lot, universe, for making me face my worst fear: losing all my mental faculties and rationality. Jerk.

Not the MOST interesting story, but I have another brief incident that kind of further substantiates my case against the cruelty of the universe. It was a few days ago when my contacts had been bothering me, which was strange because my beastly eyes and I had never had trouble with my contacts. Like seriously, very rarely. So I took them out and put them in some contact solution I'd so dashingly discovered at my parents house a few months prior. A couple hours later I try to put them back in. Immediately, I felt like the devil. The contacts made my eyes feel as though they were on fire and possibly on the verge of completely detaching themselves from my face, literally. It was the most bizarre thing I had ever experienced. Never had my contacts left me in so much pain. Despite the peculiarity, I shrugged it off and wore my duct taped glasses for a couple days, after which I decided to try with the contacts once more. Expecting a nice easy application, to my surprise the same I-feel-like-Satan feeling struck through my entire body once more. I hollered and cried for a bit, and then sulked in frustration. What was going on my life? First the suspicious and unconfirmed mirror theft, and now I've got demon eyes? What is going on??? First I'm losing my mind, and then I'm quite possibly turning into a demon? WHAT THE HELL, UNIVERSE??? THIS ISN'T FUNNY!!!

Eventually, my deductive reasoning kicked in and I decided to check the expiration date of the contact solution I was so proud to have not paid for. It turns out, that bottle expired 2 years ago. I could vaguely hear the universe saying "PSYCH! YOU'RE NOT SATAN YOU IDIOT, IT'S YOUR CONTACT SOLUTION!" and chuckling at their successful prank off in the distance.

Just like God, the Devil is everywhere. Even in your contact solution.